That's when you crack a 10am beer
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
