Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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