then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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