all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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