I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
