so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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