Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
