Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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