my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
