I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
