I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
