see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
