He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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