You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize