Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
