Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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