I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
