$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
This baby is an asshole
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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