ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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