i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
