I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
