now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
