when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
