so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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