So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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