One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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