you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
