i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Watching her eat just hurts me
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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