im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
