You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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