It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
