Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
