just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
