So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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