His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
