He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
