2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Bring me that man meat
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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