So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
operation have a gay friend backfired
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
