omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
