I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
