I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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