she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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