I am full of burrito and curiosity
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
