someone get that fucking seahorse.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
