my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
