Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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