I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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