I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
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