yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
