The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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