wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
