I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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