Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
