It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think I sprained my soul last night
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
