those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize