you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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