he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
