I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
