Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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