what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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