i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
