Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
