My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
