Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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