Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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