Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
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I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
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The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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