you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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