dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
