Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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