he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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