She's JV to your varsity
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
