we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
