Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
